At least, that's what I've been telling people. Lui is gone back to Wales to have his visa interview, his bachelor party, and an early Christmas with his family. I look at this as the temporary regaining of my freedom; I can go out with my friends without worrying about him being on his own, I can stay in on a night like tonight without him getting antsy to go do things, I can talk to and flirt with whoever I please without wondering if he'll hear me - hence the tagline.
Phrasing it as such - telling everyone that I'm temporarily single, that is - is entertaining and has been working pretty well for me... Except when it hasn't. I tried it on W this afternoon, sent him an IM while I was at work, then, because he didn't answer right away, closed the window, continued working, and forgot about it. About an hour later, my cell phone rang, with a non-number that showed up only as "Call." I almost didn't answer.
"Elle? It's W. What do you mean you're single again?"
"Oh hi. This isn't your number..."
"I'm at work-"
"So am I-"
"I need an explanation."
"Well, Lui's at home for the next two weeks, which I figure makes me as good as single."
"Oh. Well, I'll be there on the 27th."
"Yeah, he gets back the 22nd-"
"I know." The disappointment was almost palpable on both ends of the phone. Not that I even actually look at this time as an opportunity to cheat on Lui, even if W was here, but it felt like we were missing out on something nonetheless.
"We're still on for the 28th though, right?" I asked, trying to change the subject and the mood.
"Yep. It's on the calendar."
"Mine too: 'Save for W' written really big to cover the whole day. No real plan though."
"It's better that way. Alright, bye."
"That's it?"
"Yeah... I just needed an explanation."
"I know." We hung up.
As an afterthought, I sent him a quick email, apologizing for not being able to give the explanation he actually wanted, and asking if he still plans on buying Killer Bunnies for us (I once joked that it would be the only way he'd ever get me to game with him). When I got home, I had two replies. The first just answered the Killer Bunnies question: "of course!" The second, sent a few minutes later, added, "You could always send me a couple more months to make up for it!" (Not too long ago, I sent him a few naked pictures from the calendar I made for Lui last Christmas. Yes, I know what a horrible fiancée that makes me.)
Okay, so remember being a little kid and really having to pee? The whine? The dance? The adrenaline? The urgency? This is how I feel. It's not an altogether bad thing - I'd rather not be so comfortable in my life and relationship as to be bored - but it's not really a nice feeling either, knowing there's nothing I can do to relieve it. Because even if I was a cheater, one stolen night isn't going to fulfill this one, and despite what some may believe, the world doesn't grant parallel lives.
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