Something to do with gender roles?

I would not make a very good caretaker/nurse/whatever.

Irish is sick, probably with the same cold I had a few weeks ago. And last night, I was doing a really good job of coddling him, forcing him to take Tylenol and shoot Emergen-C and drink tea and sleep under all the blankets (because I believe that care-taking is an act of force: when I'm sick, I don't want to be asked whether I'd like something; I want to be told, "Here, drink this"). This morning, I sent him off to work, with a few final attempts: Do you want to call in sick? Do you want to trade shifts so you can sleep in for a few more hours? I was shot down on both ("I need the money"), administered some DayQuil, and figured my job was done until 10:00 tonight when I'll get home.

A few hours later, I sent a text to see how he was feeling, and I get this: "Like crap. [Manager] says he might let me go home an hour early, but he has to see."

Now this is where I get frustrated. Because suddenly my role has to change from caretaker to, I guess, cheerleader. How can I be full of "aw, poor baby"s one minute, and the next have to remind him that he said he needs the money? Or that I was sick and miscarrying and, despite being a little whiny and unstable, was still at work, working, for every hour of every shift?

I don't feel like I do well with Irish when he's sick, even though I try (I made Jell-O!), because it reminds me of Lui's hypochondria, how there was always something, and how babying or being babied became so much the norm that it wasn't a desirable thing anymore. I think I'd do better in a "real" situation, but for a cold? You get like one day before I'm like, "Yeah ok, but Vicks makes miracle drugs. Take some, feel better, can we go back to our lives now?" And I think he's gonna want more than one day here. And then I'll feel bad for my callousness.

And ok, for the blunt honesty? I want to be the weaker sex. With Lui, I wasn't. We were equals, more or less, but I always felt like the stronger person - and he surprised me when he held so strong in our breakup, stronger than I did, or at least he wasn't letting on, even though I was the one who'd pushed for it and I was the one with the new boyfriend to distract me. I want to be the one who needs to be held and protected, because, let's face it, most of the time I do. So when my "big strong man" is suddenly reduced to a big baby, it's a major turn-off, and sends me looking for another "big strong man" to give me attention, albeit harmless and for-the-moment, because, well, somebody needs to make me feel like a woman around here!